My Old Haunts
Countless times, I've driven these streets, shopped at these grocery stores, slept in these rooms. In this very apartment, I used to be the fixture with a revolving door of roommates, the last one being my closest friend in law school, Kenny, who now lives in the apartment with his wife, Erin. Now I'm the visitor. I can't tell you how weird that is.
At least it's not like Vanderbilt. When I first visited Vanderbilt after graduation, I felt just like that...a visitor. But gradually, more and more of my old friends graduated and were replaced by new Vandy students cheerfully, obliviously living their lives in the place where my memories were created......running my beloved Slant (not always up to my tastes in humor)....and otherwise proving that life moves on and you can never go back to create your old life. When I wandered Vanderbilt while visiting Christy, I didn't feel like a visitor.....I felt like a ghost haunting my old lair. Who were these people? There was nobody there I knew....just these strange faces living their life in this surreal, familiar physical surrounding.
At least right now Kenny and Erin are here. And Chris and Monica (whom I really hope to see but might not....Monica's not feeling well.). And Nathan and Bethany. And many of the old CLS folks. And Jeff is still up in Cary, currently hanging out with his old high school friend. For this visit, I'm just a familiar old visitor....not a ghost. God bless them all.
You really can't make it all come back, can you? I plan on seeing my friends in the future and love them dearly....but I can't have The Slant back. I can't have Unexpectedly Sober back (even if my friends and I continue to collaborate musically). I can't have long philosophical conversations with Jeff and Mike, or long theological conversations with Kenny back...at least not for long. I can't have walking through Vandy back. I can't have wandering the halls of Duke Law while surrounded by people I know back.
Life goes on. And I can't deny I'm blessed. I have the most awesome wife in the world, objectively speaking. I have a good job where I feel I'm doing some good. I have a food and a roof over my head and opportunities to serve. I have blogs and cell phones to reach my friends, should I choose. And I'm sure Christy and I will eventually make friends. And I have eternal life and a relationship with my Savior. Really, that's everything.
But right now, I want to either quietly weep or break out into a Bruce Springsteen song. Rock music lovers will know which one. For those who don't, here ya go.
I love you all and miss you terribly.
But now I'm going to put this computer down....wait for Kenny to wake up from his nap and Erin to get back from her run....and enjoy precious time with my friends. Don't want to ruin the present focusing on the past.