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What Would People Think?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Careful.....we don't want to learn anything from this!

Well, for my first post in 2 weeks, maybe I should write about my job search. Or I could keep it less personal and write about politics. Or movies - those are a common topic on this blog.

No, I think I'll simply give you an update of the most important event in human history. I'm talking, of course, about the release of The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. It's every single comic from the strip's 10-year history. What are you waiting for? Why aren't you storming out of the room, jumping in your car, and driving with heedless joy to a bookstore to buy it?

Well, don't do that just yet....I'm not quite sure whether it's out yet.

I love Calvin and Hobbes. I have been known to quote it on a daily basis. Whenever I think of the theologian John Calvin, the first thing that comes to my mind is not predestination. Similarly, when I contemplate the political philosopher Thomas Hobbes....I can't help but let my mind wander away from the Leviathan. No, I first think of a freakishly intelligent, impulsive, selfish, and hilarious six-year-old and his possibly-real, possibly-stuffed tiger. I, personally, already own every C&H comic. But if you are one of those unfulfilled souls who doesn't yet......allow me to give you just a taste of the Calvinic (is that a word? now it is) wit.

"He fires his hyper-jets and blasts into the fifth dimension! Into a world beyond human comprehension! Into a world where TIME HAS NO MEANING!........Man, this class lasts forever."

"I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!"

CALVIN: "I'm not going to do my math homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts."
HOBBES: "I never really thought about the literary possibilities of math."
CALVIN: "I prefer to savor the mystery."

And finally, one of my all-time favorite comics:

[Calvin and Hobbes are careening in their red wagon through the woods.]
CALVIN: "It's true, Hobbes, ignorance is bliss! Once you know things, you start seeing problems everywhere. And once you see problems, you feel like you ought to try to fix them. And fixing problems always seems to require personal change. And change means doing things that aren't fun! I say phooey to that! But if you're willfully stupid, you don't know any better, so you can keep doing whatever you like! The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!"
HOBBES: "We're heading for that cliff!"
CALVIN: [covering his eyes] "I don't want to know about it."
CRASH!
HOBBES: "I'm not sure I can stand so much bliss."
CALVIN: "Careful! We don't want to learn anything from this."

So, to conclude, it's truly a great moment in Western Civilization that these comics are now available and everybody should take all that spare cash that they've been leaving lying around and go buy the books.

Mike, feel free to point out great C&H quotes I've neglected. I have a feeling you'll do that anyway.

In other happy humor news, Dave Barry is writing columns again. Once he publishes his next anthology, guess what will be on my Christmas list. (Hint: I already own every single Calvin and Hobbes comic.)

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