Do I Have Terrorist Underwear?
Well, it's only undershirts, really. I confess I haven't following the whole controversy with port security and the United Arab Emirates. I've been too focused on my life (PILF auction went swimmingly last night) and on the sectarian violence in Iraq. My rough understanding is that the company approved by Bush & Co. is state-owned by UAE and that UAE has been known to help terrorists in the past.
Anyways, as I was sorting my laundry today, I absent-mindedly checked the tags on my undershirts. Turn out they were made in the good ol' U.A. of E!
Since I was reading national security law in between laundry work, it got me wondering. Do I have....terrorist undershirts? Is my undershirt part of some secret terrorist conspiracy? Perhaps it's got secret wires in it that enable UAE or Al Qaeda operatives to spy on America....or it would enable them if I weren't blocking the signal by wearing a sweatshirt - emblazoned with a picture of Mickey Mouse - over my undershirt.
Or perhaps my undershirt contains special chemicals that are the key to....no, it can't be a bomb. That would be far too prosaic. It must be they've got a chemical that makes the wearer unbelievably sexy to American women. It's all a plot for the terrorists to steal all of America's women so that Americans will be unable to reproduce. The sexist pigs! I'll have to ask Christy if it's working......
Or perhaps my undershirt is just the official uniform of the terrorists. Perhaps they all sport such undershirts out of team loyalty. I should report to the Bush Administration that they should track down anybody that's walking around showing off UAE undershirts....unless the wearers are covering it up with Mickey Mouse sweatshirts, of course.
Or perhaps associating everything having to do with one country with terrorists is overstating things just a bit. I'm sure that's what Jeff would say. Like I said...I haven't really been following things too closely.
Luckily, I don't have to worry about terrorist underpants. My underwear is made in the good ol U.S. of..........Honduras. My loins are internationally girded.
(Note: Enjoy this, people. This is the first, and last, time you will read me discussing my underwear on this blog.) (As far as I know.)
Anyways, as I was sorting my laundry today, I absent-mindedly checked the tags on my undershirts. Turn out they were made in the good ol' U.A. of E!
Since I was reading national security law in between laundry work, it got me wondering. Do I have....terrorist undershirts? Is my undershirt part of some secret terrorist conspiracy? Perhaps it's got secret wires in it that enable UAE or Al Qaeda operatives to spy on America....or it would enable them if I weren't blocking the signal by wearing a sweatshirt - emblazoned with a picture of Mickey Mouse - over my undershirt.
Or perhaps my undershirt contains special chemicals that are the key to....no, it can't be a bomb. That would be far too prosaic. It must be they've got a chemical that makes the wearer unbelievably sexy to American women. It's all a plot for the terrorists to steal all of America's women so that Americans will be unable to reproduce. The sexist pigs! I'll have to ask Christy if it's working......
Or perhaps my undershirt is just the official uniform of the terrorists. Perhaps they all sport such undershirts out of team loyalty. I should report to the Bush Administration that they should track down anybody that's walking around showing off UAE undershirts....unless the wearers are covering it up with Mickey Mouse sweatshirts, of course.
Or perhaps associating everything having to do with one country with terrorists is overstating things just a bit. I'm sure that's what Jeff would say. Like I said...I haven't really been following things too closely.
Luckily, I don't have to worry about terrorist underpants. My underwear is made in the good ol U.S. of..........Honduras. My loins are internationally girded.
(Note: Enjoy this, people. This is the first, and last, time you will read me discussing my underwear on this blog.) (As far as I know.)
posted by Ben at
5:13 PM
1 Comments:
You wear undershirts?
Though if they have that chemical, maybe I should start.
Internationally Girded Loins would make a great band name. So, in fact, would Girded Loins. I'm amazed no one thought of it before.
By
Mike, at 2/26/2006 6:28 PM
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