To the Alleged Alabama Church Arsonists
Ok, guys, you got a thing or two to learn about college humor. Trust me, I'm an expert.
I mean, I can sympathize. I've been involved in some not-very-well-thought-out college pranks in my time. But burning down churches? I've learned that there is, in fact, a line. You crossed it. You left it about 45 miles behind.
I think there's a possibility that people - including the corrections system of the state of Alabama - missed the joke. You've got to consider who your audience is. See, this is Alabama. If you burned down, say, Auburn University, I would've had no problem. Everybody would have gotten the joke. Roll Tide, I always say.
And if you're going to break laws for humor value, make sure it involves dildos, not actually damaging property and endangering people. Otherwise people just get, you know, unreasonable about these things. They get all angry about the wave of terror you created and the damage you caused and they totally miss the punch line!
I have to say that I'm disappointed that one of you is a student from my beloved UAB. I used to be a ball boy for their basketball team, man! All my older siblings went there. I have more hand-me-down UAB clothes than Vanderbilt and Duke clothes combined. So don't go messing with UAB's reputation!
Finally, I must conclude with the following constructive criticism: You morons.