How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
[Note: As of this post-midnight writing, it is only 4 days until Christy and I get married. Stresses abound, as do small and large joys. Right now, we're cleaning Christy's apartment. Taking a brief break to post one of those jokes that's been circulating around the e-mails. The more you know of various Christian (or pseudo-Christian) denominations, the funnier this is. My favorites, given my family's background, are the Baptists and the Lutherans.]
[This may well be the last blog post before one of the most important events in my life. So, of course, I decided to fill it with something utterly frivolous. See many of y'all soon!]
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?